Relationships Are Circles

Over the last 4 years I have learned and walked through some pretty tough stuff concerning relationships. I have always been an “all or nothing” kinda gal. I find a friend I connect with and that’s it! We are best friends and there’s no room for anybody else right now because all I can afford is the attention for this person right here. And then it becomes a “safe place” that becomes a prison and eventually turns co-dependent.

I have lost more friends than I care to share here over the last 4 years. It made me feel like there was something majorly wrong with me — like I wasn’t a good friend and wasn’t worth loving. I really retreated into myself and refused to even try to make new friends because, what’s the point? But as I began to open myself up to learning about relationship and how it was designed, I learned that relationship isn’t linear, it’s a circle. And it is circles within circles.

So everyone gets a circle in my life, but I am the one that chooses where their circle is and how much access they get to my heart. I had to move many people out into wider circles because I realized that I wasn’t opening up to them the way that I used to, and I also realized that they were no longer pursuing me the way they once were.

It has been very painful working through when someone ELSE moves me down a couple circles and the relationship changes. But I am learning to fight the lies that tell me it’s because there’s something wrong with me. I make mistakes. Seasons change. Life changes. People move away. Some people just want us to chase them but never actually allow us to access their heart. I have since begun pulling away from those people and recognizing those relationships for what they are.

It has been a lonely season, as I recalibrate and try to create a new inner circle. But as the Lord brings the right people into my life that I need to walk alongside me in this season, I am finding so much beauty and grace. And I am finding safe places among those that have shown themselves faithful to my heart. My inner circle is very small, but it is no longer just one person. And the few people that make it up and have full access to my heart are some of the strongest people I have ever known. They also happen to be people that will give it to me straight when I just really want it to be given to me straight. Haha!

I am finding peace in not putting “inner circle responsibilities” on “outer circle people” anymore. I no longer have guilt for not allowing everybody into my inner circle. I feel peace for the process of relationship and even though I’m still new at this healthy relationship thing, I still get back up when I fall down. Relationship is a process. ❤️

Blessings,

Nikki

Some books I have found helpful for this process are: Keep Your Love On and Culture of Honor, both by Danny Lee Silk.